The Best Comeback Ever

There are times when we come into conversations with people we can't stand, or have grown to not stand. Lucky for me, I have had the opportunity to work in customer service, so the occasions for finding these people are more common than those that have never worked in this field. From working in the food industry to administrative work to being a manager, the array of individuals I saw everyday was countless. Yay for me.

The most recent comeback, unfortunately, was around 2018 when I worked as an administrative assistant/retail manager/corporate gifting liaison (the triple-banger). Oftentimes we would have people come into our establishment and ask for donations for their events. This was fine. I would put together a gift basket worth ~$50 and make it looks nice. Sometimes they would remember to pick them up, and it was good. However, I had a common offender that would come across my desk more often than not.

This person reminded me of Baloo, that lovely bear from The Jungle Book (the 1967 film version, none others). Remember him? Boisterous, rude, and loved taking prickly pears from the trees without asking. That was this person in a nutshell.

They loved free samples (which were often out in variety), discounts, and telling me all about the events that he would partake in at his local VFW (love my veterans, but just wait). Once they got wind that gift baskets were free, all of a sudden this VFW out of Wahoo, Nebraska had a load of benefits that were taking place. They were "so small they didn't often have flyers." Okay. So, although this person didn't ask for too many, the number was a little more grand than those of a 501C3.

Ugh, and I'm eternally grateful, but back in 2017 we had a house fire. This VFW did donate around $75 to our family. It was very kind. I gave my thanks, as always, and we went on our way. Except every time after this, it was expected I just give and give free items to this individual. I didn't give in, but I gave teh standard 15% discount I would give to all our veterans and active duty personnel. I was annoyed, but what can a lady do when you're all alone in a retail store with a loud bear of a person wanting some recognition? That's where my love of words came into play.

One day this person came in and asked if I wanted to purchase a raffle ticket. I'm not certain if this person had a gambling license for their VFW, but at this time I had no money, so it wasn't an issue. To be kind, I asked about the raffle, what the money was benefitting, and what I would win, had I $20 to spend. This is where this whole story led, and I was proud. I still am proud.

They mentioned it was for a gun raffle. I win from an assortment of guns. How lovely. Political views aside, I don't mind guns, I've shot them and was around my father's police pistol my entire childhood; I just know my home life and a gun would not suit a two-bedroom apartment and two little fellas. They asked several times again if I wanted a ticket, and I declined time and time again.

"No, I have enough guns at home," I stated, not even looking them in the face.

"Oh, is that right? How many do you have?" the person asked, impressed.

And here comes the fun part.

"Zero."

. . .

And they froze. Said thank you and left.

Sure, I was hilarious and I'm still proud of that moment. I wasn't rude. I wasn't mean. I stated a fact. Why am I proud?

Because I never saw that person again.